Marriage

2013-06-14 20.09.17-2

I don’t really like “being married.” There I said it.

I don’t like it because somehow by saying “I do” the rules changed. Now instead of being an awesome girlfriend I was just an average wife. I didn’t do the dishes well. Hell I didn’t do the dishes most of the time. I never do laundry. I never have the house clean when handsome gets home. I’m never even close to having my shit together enough.

Somehow by being married I have to do all of the things, by myself.

In case you didn’t realize, I can’t do all the things by myself.

Who changed the rules then? How did this go from being a great working relationship to one of my biggest failures?

Marriage changed the rules, and we haven’t played by them from day one. I don’t want to. We couldn’t. We never even tried because I felt like marriage held me to impossible standards.

2013-06-14 20.20.26

On the marriage scale I would say I feel like I’m somewhere on the scale of “failure.”

On the real life scale? On being a partner?

Oh I’m up there. I am one hell of a partner.

I’m there to bounce ideas off of. I’m there to give motivation when it’s needed, and space to get work done when it’s needed. I look for encouragement and I look for help with all of the things I’m “in the middle of.”

Part of the reason I so love being handsome’s partner is because I can, and I can do it well. I don’t feel the need to play by someone else’s rules. Rules that don’t work for us.

Our partner-ship is a give and a take. It’s help and it’s the hard truth at times.

I don’t think I could love handsome any more, and I don’t think I could have someone love me any more. He’s the partner I look for advice to when I’m starting a new project. He’s the critical thinker to my can-do-let’s-just-go attitude. I’m the reminder that all work and no play make for an early death – he’s my reminder that I can do anything. I’m his reminder that food fuels us for creativity and he’s my reminder that adventures are out there.

I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t change the rules we play by. I wouldn’t change the partner I chose forever to.

I just need to remind myself to rate myself on the “partner” scale, and not through the marriage rules.

– Tomato Partner, in crime, in life, in the kitchen, and to infinity and beyond

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